The Bad Touch
by This One is Dead
Summary: For some reason, smashers end up showing something suggestive to Pit. Ike is not pleased. IkexPit, mentions of other couples. Insane. Crack.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This was posted on my dA and LJ, but not here on FF. For some reason, I just didn't felt like posting it here. XD Anyways, this is my first SSB fanfic, so enjoy.

SSB Nintendo, along with like, what? Fifty other companies that collaborated?

--

Pit rubbed his shoulder gently, thinking back at the fight he just had with Kirby, Peach, and Olimar. It was a rough fight, like always. Peach was often underestimated by everyone in the mansion, but now he found out why people see it differently after a fight with her. He shuddered at the memory of when Kirby swallowed him and consumed one of his special moves. All he knew what happened was that Kirby was inhaling very deeply at him and everything was dark. Next thing he knew, he saw Kirby wearing a similar crown to his and with wings. Strange, strange little puffball Kirby was...

He opened the door to his dorm, greeting to his blue-haired roommate.

"How did the fight go?" Ike put down a book that he was reading to pay more attention to his angel...umm, the angel.

"It went well," Pit said, "Peach won, and Kirby took a swallow at me," his eyes growing wider as he went on, still thinking about that experience.

Ike chuckled. He couldn't blame Pit for being slightly traumatized by Kirby. In fact, that happened to him as well, same reaction and everything.

Pit placed his bow on the end table next to his bed and opened a drawer from said table. Ike had noticed that he took out a device he recognizes but never really seen Pit using it before.

"Where did you get that iPod?" he asked confusingly.

"Snake gave it to me yesterday," Pit answered with a smile as he was untangling the earphones, "He even added the songs for me,"

That answer gave Ike a newly given instinct to not trust Snake with gifts. When he had first seen the mercenary, 'creepy' was the first initial thought. Not exactly the creepy that could step up the level of the reaction he had with Ganondorf, but creepy nonetheless. Because the sudden given thought, Ike had a bad feeling about that gift, but it's not like the iPod is going to explode...right?

Okay, so maybe it could, considering he (and Samus) appears to have a strange liking in explosions. God forbid how many explosions he had seen when Snake is in battle. But he wouldn't give a bomb for a present...Or maybe he would, because Ike doesn't know him that well.

When Ike started to think about the idea of the exploding iPod, his mind told that that wasn't it. He turned to look at the angel who appears to be enjoying whatever he is hearing. Ike was about to dismiss his instinct, but just to make sure.

"What song are you hearing?"

Pit looked over with a questioned expression and paused the music player, "What?"

Ike was a bit annoyed, not liking to repeat himself, but he doesn't let that show, "What song are you hearing?"

Pit takes a look at the device's screen, "The Bad Touch. I don't what the song really means, but I like the beat,"

Ike really started to trust his instincts now. He never heard of that title, but if it has 'touch' as part of the title and given to him by someone he doesn't really trust...

"Can I hear it with you?" the blue-haired swordsman got up from his bed to sit next to Pit. Pit kindly handed an ear piece to his roommate and pressed on play.

After a few minutes of hearing the song, Pit looked at Ike, "Ike, you look...flustered"

Pit wasn't wrong about Ike's appearance. After a mere few seconds of hearing the song, he enjoyed the fact that he was hearing it next to his adorable angel in bed, and man, what song it was...Listening to that musical ectasy with Pit was practically turning him on.

But then Ike was snapped back to reality and realized was a dreadful song that was, especially one that an innocent young angel is hearing! The first thing he did was to snag the iPod away and threw it out the third-floor window. Before Pit could react, Ike went over to the cabinet where he kept his cape and sword.

"Ike, what are you doing?" Pit asked, not knowing if he was surprised, confused, or just plain overall blank.

"I got business to take care of," he said as he tied his cape. He carried his sword over his shoulder and left the room.

Pit was always told in the Skyworld, curiosity killed the cat. He didn't really get that pun, because he's an angel, not a cat. So he lets his curiosity take over him and got up from the bed to poke his head out the door. He saw a bit of red cape disappearing behind a wall down the hall.

He left the room completely and started following Ike, making sure he doesn't make the even the most audible noise.

He stopped on his tracks when he saw Ike in front of Snake's dorm room. When Ike entered, Pit wondered for a bit that maybe it wasn't important. Unfortunately, curiosity is still taking the best of him, so he walked close to Snake's room, ear attached to the door. However, while he was deciding whether to go back to his and Ike's room or not, he missed whatever Ike and Snake were talking about.

"GREAT!"

Pit backed up a bit, because that was extremely loud and even though he backed he was still able to hear it just as perfectly.

"AETHERRRR!"

A long pause was followed by a major shaking of the mansion. This caused the other smashers to rush out of their assigned rooms to figure out what was going on.

Ike merely left Snake's room with a grin, as though nothing had happened. Pit, because he was closest to the impact, was on the floor (because that shaking of the mansion was quite great, let alone if you're close to the source), sheer questioning in his face.

"Ike...what happened...what did you do?" his look appeared to be more amazed than when Kirby swallowed him in the fight earlier.

Ike just shrugged and left the area. Everyone who has left their rooms were still left clueless as to what caused the impact. Meta Knight, Kirby, Peach, and Zelda were saying how they felt the impact as though it were right next to their room.

Pit got up from floor and peeked through the opened door crack at Snake's room.

What he saw was Snake injured and slightly dazed in the ground, gazing up at the angelic visitor.

"I'm not giving you anymore presents," Snake muttered, making sure it was loudly enough for Pit to hear. And man, was he right about that.

--

A/N: This wasn't saved until now, so if it looks like it was copy-pasted, that's because it is.

This wasn't meant to be taken seriously. And I was given an idea to continue by GintaxAlvissforever. :D

And if you want to hear the song, go look it up on project playlist or dizzler, artist name is The Bloodhound Gang.


	2. Chapter 2

After that little episode, when Peach, Zelda, Meta Knight, and Kirby claimed they felt the impact as though it was next to their rooms, it made Snake a suspect of the cause of the impact. That is because his room is between theirs; left from Kirby and Meta Knight and right from Peach and Zelda. Poor man. He was a victim, not a true suspect.

Ike is now currently in a stock Brawl match with Bowser, Lucario, and Captain Falcon, leaving Pit alone in the dorm. Before Ike left the room, he ordered Pit not to go near Snake, unless it's a Brawl match. Pit felt like a little kid being forced to listen to his father.

He still doesn't know why Ike reacted the way did. Perhaps the song he and Ike were listening had some sort of power to trigger anger to a human's hormone and because he's an angel, he was immune to it. If not, then it must do something to make Ike react the way he did. Even so, would Snake even add that to his own iPod? Maybe that would explain why he never sees Snake smile.

A knock on the door interrupted Pit's thoughts, "Who's there?"

"Marth,"

"Come in," Pit was pleased to have company. Nothing was on television and didn't know who or what he can find to entertain him.

Marth glanced around, "Where's Ike?"

"He's in a Brawl battle,"

"...Oh,"

Instead of leaving, Marth stepped into the room. He figured that since he's more than likely to be bored all day, might as well find some entertainment with Pit in the room...even though that did sound a tad wrong.

Silence filled the room. Both occupants were trying to think of a subject to talk about. Suddenly, the silence was broken.

"Soo...any reason why Roy dropped out of Brawl?"

Marth flinched at his question, thinking back why.

"_Okay, Roy, what do you want?"_

_Mario threw a mini-party at the back of the mansion, just for mere fun, and Roy was trying to convince Marth to go inside with him. Marth continued to reject, until now. He was being dragged to go upstairs and to the hall._

_Marth was suddenly slammed against the wall, completely unexpected for the prince._

"_I..."_

"_Yes...?" he wanted to rub his back, but his arms were being held by the other swordsman._

"_...LOVE YOU, DAMMIT. YOU'RE HOT AND STUFF AND-" Roy trailed off as he randomly smashed his lips to those of the Altean prince._

_Unfortunately, the blunette prince broke the kiss before sinking into it when he saw something behind Roy._

"_Why...WHY DID YOU STOP?" Roy screamed out when he shook Marth roughly by the shoulders._

_Did anyone give this guy a drink at the party or something?, Marth thought as he was being shaken, more than likely._

_He pointed at whatever was behind Roy. The red-haired drunken swordsman turned around, only to see a wide-eyed Ness._

_Busted, was the initial thought Roy and Marth had. Ness, however, ran away screaming._

_The next thing they thought was the only thing they can do._

"_RUN!" _

_Run. Run before Ness bumps into Master Hand or any of the smashers._

"Umm...well..." Marth rubbed the back of his head.

"Well...?" Pit felt like he chose the wrong subject to bring up.

-

Ike muttered curse words here and there. And he had the right to. Bowser only appeared to fire-breathe on him and not anyone else in the entire stock battle.

"Monstrous bastard, why I oughta kill him the next time I fight him..." he continued his muttering until he showed up at his dorm.

However, before entering, he heard somewhat a conversation from the other side of the door..

"So what? He kissed you on the cheek?" Who could Pit be talking to? It was only his and Pit's room...It was Ike's turn to be curious and leaned his ear to the door.

"Well...not exactly," Ike recognized the second voice being Marth. What could they be talking about?

Ike was aware it wasn't his business, but he felt like he should listen. He had the same instincts as he had when Pit was listening to Snake's iPod. Oh dear, that's not a good sign.

"But...how can something like that get him kicked out?"

Marth felt like he was in a more awkward position that before, "Okay, so it didn't happen _exactly _like that..."

"Then...?" Pit was confused. How a simple question become such a big deal is beyond him.

"Roy was, well...buzzed,"

"Huh?"

Outside the door, Ike felt his left eye twitching, almost getting a clue as to what Marth is telling Pit. His instincts were screaming at him, saying that he must go in, now!

"You know...buzzed...okay, a bit more than that,"

Needless to say, Pit really didn't have a single clue as to what Marth meant about 'buzzed'.

"Okay, so there was this party in the back of the mansion, right?"

"Uhhh...yeah?"

"And Roy got a bit...drunk,"

Pit only has a slight clue as to what Marth meant about drunk. For Ike, he knew fully what 'drunk' meant. That didn't help his uncontrollable twitching.

"And then he convinced me to come with him inside. I wasn't sure why,"

"Okay..."

"So, he basically slammed me to the wall and-"

The door flew open. Ike knew damn well what was going to be told next.

"Oh hey Ike! How was your ma-"

"TRAITOR!"

Marth was immediately dragged by the cape to out the door. Pit was left stunned, not knowing what to do.

Coincidently enough, while Ike was dragging Marth down the hall, Snake was passing by with an ice pack being held at his right cheek. You can guess how he got that wound.

He waved to Marth, "Good luck! I hope you live!"

Marth didn't know what Snake was talking about, nor what is coming for him.

Because he didn't know where Ike was taking Marth, Pit thought it was best to just stay in the room. As he made his way to the door, he saw Snake walking passed him. To the angel's surprise, the older man had a smile on his face, giggling, even though he had a wound on his face that was being ignored.

Pit was happy. Now, without that weird, hormonal song, Snake can smile more!...but wait, what about Ike?

Well, so much for the hormonal music theory he had.

A few seconds later, another shaking of the mansion has occurred. You can guess where it came from.


	3. Chapter 3

Pit ran as fast as he can out the cafeteria. Ike looked at the swinging doors moving back and forth, trying to get a better glance at the chances he had. He would have gone after him, but he doesn't want cold lunch when he brings Pit back. Because of that, he started eating his lunch at a quick pace.

It was lunchtime at the Smash mansion. A lot of the smashers were discussing the second shaking that took place at the previous night. All suspicions for Snake were...half-cleared. While the four witnesses claimed they didn't feel the last shaking next to their room anymore, no one continued suspecting Snake. Yet, for some reason, they don't find his right-cheek wound suspicious. It angered Snake because he's been waiting for everyone else to get a clue. He's smart enough to not tell anyone, especially because Ike is more than likely to kill him afterwards. Marth knows that much, as well, as he holds an ice pack in his left arm.

He's gone crazy, Marth thought.

While everyone was discussing the mystery, which we all know who the culprit is, Ike was looking around, as if on full alert. Pit was looking at him worryingly.

"Ike...what is the matter with you?" Pit asked. After the previous events and how he is acting now, Pit was almost getting scared of his roommate.

"Everyone here is insane," Ike muttered to Pit, practically losing his sanity, "you must remain innocent..."

He should talk. Out of everyone in the mansion, he wants to rape him the most.

"Ike...You're scaring me," Pit admitted.

Ike then went on and on about how he wanted Pit to stay away from everyone. I guess that's happens when a friend of yours was talking to your angel boyfriend about their homosexual relationship...wait, I mean, your angel FRIEND.

Pit then grabbed his plate and swallowed what was left of his lunch whole. Somehow ignoring the sudden full feeling in his stomach, he ran out the cafeteria. But you know that already.

He stopped when he got up the stairs. He had another option of going to Shadow and help him Chaos Control to the bedroom – that would have helped his stomach tremendously – but the Assist Trophies eat all the way at the other side of the cafeteria, he didn't think he'd have time to reach there.

He rubbed his stomach, the full feeling was getting worse; worse enough for him not to run anymore. Coincidently, a bathroom was right next to him, when he really needed it. He ran in there and made sure he locked the door.

A few minutes later (and in this case, literally a few minutes later), he got out, only to bump in with a twitchy-eyed Peach. He waved to her awkwardly.

She waved back, "Are you feeling okay...?"

"Ummm...yeah," he knew why Peach was asking that. If you're...busy, per se, in the bathroom and you open the door to see someone looking at you weird, you should know why Peach is asking that.

"Running with a full stomach isn't good for you," Apparently, from the velocity Pit was running, mostly, if not everyone, saw him leaving.

"Yeah, it's just that..." Pit trailed off, not wanting to get his friend in trouble.

"Yes...?" Peach was expecting Pit to go on. What can happen in that cafeteria, anyways?

Well, okay, a lot of things can happen. But it was a quiet lunch...for once.

Suddenly, Ike came up the stairs, where Pit and Peach were talking. The first thing he noticed was that a _girl_ was talking to Pit.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he ran up to Peach. Pit slapped his own face in embarrassment.

"I'm a smasher..." Peach said in an obvious, but uncomfortable, manner.

"You flirt with him, and you're toast," he threatened, and left.

Peach felt herself twitch, stunned. Pit was just standing there, more embarrassed than ever at Ike's strange insane behavior. That leaves a long, strangely tense silence by the stairway.

_Who does he think I am? _Peach thought, _Samus?_

What Peach meant was that on occasion, whenever Samus doesn't have her armor suit on, she freely flirts, even if it were in front of everyone. Usually, she flirts with Peach and Zelda. She flirts with almost everyone actually, but mostly the princesses. It's strange to see her change so much without her armor on, almost like she transforms into a strange, but really sexy, woman.

What both of them are unaware of is that that's not the end of Ike, for he is hiding down the hallway. Remember everyone, Ike fights for his friends, let alone his not-so-secret admirer.

"Umm..." Pit felt like he should explain, but doesn't know how to explain, "I really don't have a clue what's going on with him,"

Peach laughed her signature giggle, "It almost seems like he really likes you,"

"Aha!" Ike came out jumping, Ragnell over his head. Weird, because he keeps Ragnell in a cabinet, unless it's in a brawl fight. He appears to bring it everywhere, now that he is going insane over his...roommate.

That caught Pit and Peach off-guard. Peach took out Toad just in time.

Ike's attack didn't stop there, though. After it was blocked, he was prepared to attack again. Peach turned and ran, and Ike started chasing her down the stairs. Pit would have helped Peach, but his stomach started feeling weird again. He ran back inside the bathroom, incredibly regretting eating his lunch whole.

Strangely enough, almost like last time, Peach and Ike ran past Snake and Marth, where they were getting more band-aids for their obvious wounds. They watched the princess and the swordsman running in amusement, but at the same time, pity.

"She's screwed," Snake said, as he wrapped a new wrapping-band-aid on his hand.

"Ohh, yes," Marth agreed with a nod.

It wasn't longer after ten minutes where a third shaking of the mansion occurred.

--

A/N: Chapter dedicated to my dearly beloved seme, Lady Chitose. Because she wanted femslash, so I shall deliver! :D

Poor Peach. She's my favorite female character, too.

Review?


	4. Chapter 4

Marth and Snake were pissed. Mario was examining Peach as she was getting aiding help from Zelda.

"Who did-a this-a to you?" Mario asked is a concerned.

Before Peach could answer, "WHY IS IT SUSPICIOUS WHEN _SHE_ GETS HURT AND NOT US?" Marth and Snake stepped in front of Mario and screamed in his face.

"...You guys-a were hurt-a?"

Both mercenaries tumbled over. Mario obviously hasn't notice the band-aids, the bruises, and such on them. Now, it was Peach's turn to look at them in amusement and pity.

The two previous victims stood up again and showed Mario all of their injuries.

Mario placed a hand on his chin, "Oh, you guys-a were hurt-a a lot-a!"

Snake muttered on to himself on how now is when Mario noticed while Marth face-palmed, ignoring the throb of pain that spread in his face.

"Who did-a this-a to you three?"

"It was-" Peach trailed off as Marth and Snake raced to her a such speed that almost pushed Zelda to the floor. Said male smashers covered her mouth just in time.

"Do you want to get your ass killed by that psycho?" Snake whispered in her ear.

"Who was eet?" Mario asked again, and was getting slightly ticked off.

Peach suddenly knew both of them meant, and gave a subtle nod to the both males that were holding her mouth. Right when Marth released her mouth, a sudden slight explosion took him over.

"What the-?"

Zelda's glare told him that the explosion was Din's Fire. Lesson to everybody: don't push Zelda.

Marth got up and brushed himself, followed by doing his famous hair-flip, "If Ganon ever bothers you again, don't expect me to help you, again," (1)

"Hmph," Zelda turned away from Marth and resumed in aiding Peach.

"Well, who was eet?" Mario continued.

"Uhh..." Marth and Snake were dumbfounded. Maybe trying to increase suspicions wasn't such a good idea.

"We should have stayed put and let Peach say who it was," Snake whispered in Marth's ear, "At least we would have been alive,"

Peach then hit Snake on the head with a frying pan, "I heard that!"

Poor Marth. Poor Snake. It's bad enough they're injured. Now they're being abused by princesses.

"WHO WAS EET!" Mario screamed out, not feeling as though he's getting the attention that is needed.

Now, all three of them were dumbfounded.

"Just out of curiosity," Marth said, "Would this person be punished for being responsible of the shaking of the mansion?"

"Oh, this-a gots to do with the sudden-a shakings?"

Marth was suddenly head-locked by Snake.

"Shut your fucking mouth," Snake muttered.

Peach was now trying to clear suspicions and did a wave horizontal wave across her face while her other arm was extended to Zelda, "What? That's crazy talk!" she giggled, "Wh-what made you say that?"

Mario raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

Peach, Marth, and Snake took one glance at each other and knew they all shared the same thought, "Run!"

They both ran out of the infirmary.

"Wait, I wasn't do-" Zelda trailed off, knowing that her words fell on deaf ears.

"Are they coming back?"

Mario shook his head.

-

Pit looked over at the hallway of the third floor, almost kind of like James Bond.

"Is Ike in a battle right now?" he muttered to himself. It's safe to say he was getting scared to even enter his own dorm.

"Nah, he's helping the Alloys and few other people in Multi-Man Brawl," Sonic said behind Pit unexpected, "Eh, he's not the one battling everybody, so if you're looking for the keys, I'm sure he won't take long!"

Pit clutched at his chest and look over his shoulder, and saw a smiling Sonic.

"Sonic, you scared me!" Pit said, almost twitchy-eyed.

"Hehe, sorry," Sonic said half-caring, "So, don't have the key to your dorm or something?"

_Perfect excuse!_

"Yeah, it's exactly that!" Pit said, clearly lying, "I guess I might as well wait until Ike comes back,"

Before leaving, Sonic grabbed him by the arm, "Hey, don't go. You know how lonely it is for a hedgehog like me in a mansion this big?"

"Don't you have a roommate?"

"Pfft, no. I was afraid I'll be stuck with someone insane,"

"Ehh..." Pit found himself to be in a very coincidental situation.

"What's wrong?"

"Umm, nothing! Nothing..."

"Why don't we just step inside my office," Sonic said as he lead the way to his dorm, "Have like a teen-to-teen talk,"

-

After doing fighting his role in Multi-Man Brawl, Ike was fast-walking around the mansion, almost running. Pit wasn't in the dorm room. It means that either he's in a brawl battle, having a subtle-perverted conversation with one of the smashers (if that was the case, it's not pretty; though we all know that's probably the case), or something, anything is happening to him.

He was somewhat overwhelmed when he found Pit in the large backyard outside. Well, more like, he saw Pit sitting behind a tree; his wings gave it out.

Pit was sitting back, leaning on the bark of the tree, appreciating the beauty of the day. He didn't feel the need to be scared or anything of the sort. It was a great weather. One hand was touching the grass beneath him, another was fiddling with the strawberry lollipop that was in his mouth.

"I saw you weren't in the room," Ike said, standing in the other side of the tree, suddenly appeared to be sane, and to top it all off, a smile was planted on his face.

Pit shrugged his shoulders.

Ike kneel next to him, noticing a thin lollipop stick hanging out of Pit's mouth as the angel continued fiddling with it, "Who gave that to you?"

Pit took the red lollipop out of his mouth, "Sonic," he said, "I bumped into him in the hallway,"

If Ike was in an insane mood, he'd probably gone after the hedgehog. But instead, he sat at the other side of the tree to avoid looking flustered at the sight of the angel sucking the candy, but at the same time, enjoying a peaceful day with Pit. He knew Sonic meant no harm anyways. It was just candy, right? Well, not in Ike's point-of-view, but overall, it's just candy

Not so far off, Snake and Marth were in the berry-covered bush, trying to pick out berries under Peach and Zelda's request.

Right when Snake noticed the bluenette and the angel, he lowered himself into the bush.

"I don't get why we have to-" Marth's quiet muttering was trailed off as Snake pulled him down and pointed at the beings leaning on a tree. That was when both remained silent.

Ike looked behind him, seeing Pit's hand free to take on its place in the grass. He looked around cautiously if anyone was watching, but unaware that his two previous victims were indeed watching. Once he was certain that no one was around, he slowly took his opportunity to lift his own hand and placed it over Pit's.

Pit looked down, feeling slight warmth around his face.

Ike smiled at this. He couldn't help but pull Pit's hand closer and slid his palm underneath said hand. When Pit felt his palm touching Ike's, his pink-tinted cheeks turned into red, as well as across his face. He closed his slightly-opened legs and sucked more on the lollipop out of pure nervousness. When Ike turned and saw this, he couldn't hold back a chuckle.

Meanwhile, in the bushes, Snake wasn't sure if he was disgusted or uncaring. Marth irresistibly awed at the sight.

Pit tried to hide his face, not knowing his tomato-hued face was already seen, "Hey, uh, Ike?"

"Yeah?"

"Is...is it possible to, um..."

"Yes...?"

"Like another guy?" Pit could have sworn his hot face was about to burst into flames.

Ike smiled deeper, "Of course!"

"Oh, okay, because while Sonic and I were talking-"

Oh, Pit.

Pit, Pit, Pit.

He just couldn't keep his mouth shut, for Ike's hand was out of reach and he got up and was on his way back inside, much to Pit's disappointment (among with a whole bunch of other fangirls' disappointment, as well. That includes the writer of this story). Now, giving Pit a lollipop is one thing, but what right gave the hedgehog to talk to his angel about homosexuality? That was his job!

That's right. HIS angel. Come on, did you read that scene?

"Ike, where are you going?"

"Umm...bathroom break,"

Back in the bushes, Snake and Marth just looked at the scene without expression.

"Well," Snake began, "that's one kid that psycho won't get,"

"What are you talking about?"

"Sonic is fast as hell," Snake explained, "He can't keep up!"

"Well, sure, he's fast, but Ike is one hell of a psycho, and can get Sonic," Marth objected.

"Please, the only way Ike could get him is to get him from behind,"

"And he'll surely get him like that if that was the only way,"

"50 coins say he won't get him?"

"50 coins say he WILL get him?"

"Deal."

-

In the game room, Sonic was playing the last round of pinball, and sadly (Well, sadly to him) lost.

"Game Over!"

"Screw it! This is much funner when I'm the ball anyways!"

"GREAT AETHER!"

-

"Hah! You owe me 50 coins!"

"Fuck you,"

--

1: SSBB Event Match #31. Play it, and maybe you'll get it.

Longest chapter of the story yet! :D -pleased-

Please review...?


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Review, please? DD:

--

"_So, how's life with a roommate?"_

"_Is that the reason why you brought me here, Sonic?"_

"_Nah, I just don't have much to say,"_

_Pit thinks of what to say. There's only so much he could say about Ike, but none he wants to share. And for many, many reasons, you just can't imagine._

"_Well, it's cool really. You don't get to be alone,"_

_Sonic didn't miss his expression for a heartbeat. Pit's cheeks were tinting pink, partially because he was embarrassed to think back at Ike's insane attacks, and partially because of...something else. Try and guess._

"_You're really great friends with Ike, aren't ya?"_

_Pit was obviously fighting back a blush, as he scratches the side of his face with an index finger, "Yeah, I guess you could say that,"_

_Sonic still saw his expression priceless that he couldn't help himself, "And you really like him...?"_

"_Well, I don't think he would...uhh..." It was safe to say Pit was lost at words._

"_Why wouldn't he-ah!" Sonic trailed off, starting to notice the topic of conversation that was being held; one that is extremely awkward to talk about to an angel about, "Hey, Pit, wanna lollipop?" He randomly threw Pit the strawberry-flavored candy that he had gotten from the candy bowl that was placed in the table behind him._

"_Say, I think Ike should be done doing his role in Multi-Man Brawl,"_

_Pit took the candy out of his mouth, "Uhh, yeah..." He was still pretty scared._

"_...So?"_

"_So?"_

"_Whatcha waiting for?"_

"_You want me to leave?"_

"_No, but don't you wanna go back to your dorm or something?"_

"_Oh! Heh, right..."_

"_Well...?"_

"_Oh, right! Dorm..."_

"_Yep!"_

"_So, uh, thanks for the lollipop, Sonic!" Pit says as he leaves._

"_No problem!" Sonic closes the door, and is faced with silence._

_..._

_..._

"_Aww, geez, screw it," Sonic said out loud to himself, "I knew I should have gotten a roommate,"_

_The poor hedgehog just cannot take silence. He went to find entertainment somewhere in the mansion._

"_First stop, game room,"_

-

"Hmm..." Snake observed Sonic.

"Likely story," Snake said, "But is that what really happened?"

Sonic looked at Snake as if he were the dumbest idiot in the world, "How the-Of course!"

"Do you have any..." Snake closes up at Sonic, "proof?"

Marth was embarrassed to think that he has been hanging out with the bearded man, whereas Peach was just embarrassed, period.

Sonic looked at him more with the same expression, "What proof?"

"You know Snake," Marth freely interrupted, "Pit did have a lollipop and he did say Sonic gave it to him,"

"Hmph, so he may be telling the truth..."

"I AM TELLING THE TRUTH," Sonic screamed in Snake's face. Who would blame him?

"Fine," Snake muttered, "you're telling the truth,"

Peach suddenly felt like the only smart human victim in Snake's room. She went up to Sonic, "Come on, let's take you to Zelda," she said in her caring voice, "She'll help you with those wounds,"

Sonic didn't hesitate. For once in his life, he had no rush.

That left Snake and Marth alone in the room. Snake was wishing madly that Marth would forget what he was supposed to do...

"So..."

"Yes?"

"Where are my 50 coins?"

"Aww, dammit,"

Needless to say, every time Snake battles Classic or wins a bet to see who would win in a Brawl match, he spends every bit of his earned coins on extra gears he needs for fighting. So it's safe to say he has nothing until he fights in Classic one or maybe even twice more. He's pretty deeply in debt.

-

Pit exited the battlefield, relieved that he won the one-on-one battle with Captain Falcon by a landslide. If there's one thing for sure, "Falcon Punch!" will be playing over and over in his head.

"Great battle there," Link said as he came through the room where a battle is seen via television screen.

Pit blushes in flattery, "Thanks!"

Link wrapped his arm around Pit's shoulders, "Say, why won't we hang out?" he said, "Now that I think about it, you're the only one here who I haven't talked with,"

Pit smiled at the Hyrulian, "I don't mind. In fact, I'd love to,"

Link will surely regret giving the offer, for in the distant corner, a blue-haired stalker is watching.

-

Marth rolled his eyes. How he agreed to this is beyond him.

"Okay, so I'm placing 30 coins and a muffin if either Zelda, Red, or Captain Falcon are gonna be next," Snake says.

"Look, hobo, I'm losing my patience here!" Marth nearly yelled, "Where's my 50 coins?"

"Look, okay, I don't have it!" Snake yelled back.

In the back, you can see Sonic and Peach (who returned from receiving aiding from Zelda) looking at them annoyed, wondering why they returned to Snake's room in the first place.

"Just drop this extra bet you're settling here!"

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, I'll tell Samus what you told Mei Ling about her zero suit!"

"How the hell did you-?"

"I have my sources,"

"Ugh...fine!" Right when Snake turned his head to Sonic and Peach, the hedgehog and the princess knew what was coming, and shared the same answer out loud in an instant.

"NO!"

"Aww, damn you all!" Snake yelled out, "I'll go talk with Master Hand about booking another Classic battle!" with that he left.

"Took him long enough," Marth chuckled.

"Why are you gambling with him anyways?" Peach asked, slight disgust in her tone.

"Watching him lose a bet is more entertaining than you think,"

-

On his way to Master Hand's office, he noticed something that somewhat piqued his interest in the corner of his eye. He walked back and hid behind a wall. He saw Link taking Pit to his room. He didn't know why such casualty caught him, until he saw tufts of blue hair all of way down the hall from where he was. Being a spy and an agent, he had no problems going back to his room without making any noises. Once he got in, he couldn't keep his cool, and burst out into chuckles.

"What's so funny?" Marth looked at him strangely.

"I know who's gonna be next!"

"Oh really? Who?"

"Link!"

"Oh god..."

-

"Do you guys ever go through puberty?" Link asked after he commented how flawless Pit's skin seems. In the other side of the door was a half-way steaming Ike. The only things he heard so far were the flawless comment and the word "puberty".

"It's different for angels, really,"

Link and Pit was standing far off from the door, it was hard for Ike to hear. Link leaned slightly to the side, not noticing a radio at the table. He leaned further, accidentally pressing the ON button that was placed why in the bottom of the radio.

Don't ask me how this story has so much coincidences.

The music in the radio starts playing, _I wanna fuck you in the ass!_

That was enough for Ike to barge in the room at such speed he started charging towards them. Unfortunately, Pit was closer to Ike than Link, and Ike was going so fast he could rarely stop. This resulted Ike to fall on top of Pit on the floor.

Pit was blushing madly across his face as Ike looked down at him with slightly pink-tinted cheeks. They stayed there looking at each other, ignoring the environment for what seemed like an eternity.

"Umm..." Link interrupted uncomfortably, "Are you guys okay?"

Ike then looked up, smiling as he hid rage, "Hey, Link, do you have anywhere to go today?"

"Hmm...I don't have any battles scheduled for today and I don't have any plans...why?"

"Just uhh...stay put for a second," with that, Ike left with Pit's hand in his, making the angel blush slightly more. He didn't bother closing the door.

Snake and the rest of the victims were watching from down the hallway that Ike was taking Pit somewhere. They all went inside Link's room.

"So," Snake began, "what did Ike say?"

"He asked me to stay put and he le-"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING STANDING THERE?" Sonic yelled, feeling as though he was stuck in a mansion filled with idiots, not fighters, "RUN!"

"Wha-?"

"YOU HEARD THE TALKING SPEEDING ANIMAL!" Snake yelled out.

"RUN!" Marth and Peach finished what Snake was about to say.

"Uhhh...OKAY!" Link ran to where Ike was heading.

"THE OTHER WAY!" All four of them screamed out.

Link, not knowing exactly what he was doing, ran the other way.

It didn't take long enough for Ike to return to Link's room. Fortunately, the last four victims already left the room, knowing that the blunette mercenary would return. He then started hunting around the mansion for the Hyrulian hero, anger building stronger every minute.

Later that night, a fifth shaking occurred.

No, wait, make that a sixth shaking.

Wait, seventh.

Damn, poor Link.


	6. Chapter 6

Zelda sighed as she collapsed on a chair. She tried desperately in healing Link, who was sleeping in the infirmary, but the poor guy was hurt triple more the others (Gee, I wonder why), making it harder to fully recover him.

Peach was by her side, sighing as well. She flinched back as Zelda glared at her.

"Now, I'm really curious," Peach doesn't remember when Zelda's voice was last serious as it is, "Who's doing this to you all?"

In all honesty, Zelda never questioned the injured smashers about the cause. This is because she knew if they don't speak up to Master, Crazy, or even Mario, let alone her. But now, not only is her best friend and roommate hurt, but also Link.

"Umm..." Peach looked down, knowing Zelda wouldn't easily take a lie.

The Hyrulian princess hardened her glare, making Peach feel uncomfortable and turned her head.

"You can't lie to me, Peach," Zelda reminded her.

Peach was stuck. Certainly, Ike can be able to hurt her a lot more than Link if she said anything. Plus, if Ike is dropped out, she'd feel so guilty, words can't say, especially because Ike is great contender for Smash. Not to mention the mob of fangirls...If Ike isn't down to killing her, the fangirls surely will.

It isn't like the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom to think for herself so much, and she's been in countless life-threatening experiences before. But instead of one coming after her, it is her choice. Do the right thing and die or lie and stay alive.

Now, Peach is always up for doing the right thing, no matter what, but that definitely isn't worth losing your life. Nothing is.

"I don't know," Peach blurted out.

Zelda tumbled over the chair. Forget it, she thought, I am not going to get an answer.

No one will.

-

"I still say Red is probably going to be one of the next ones," Snake said as he stuffed food in his mouth. Marth tried to ignore the mercenary's eating habit by staring at his own food.

"Why would you say that?" Marth asked, trying to hold back a chuckle into thinking a normal kid being hit by Great Aether without getting seriously hurt.

"Hey, he's a teenager and they get those kind of thoughts,"

Marth looked up in disbelief, attempting to ignore the food in the mercenary's mouth, "...He's a teenager?"

"Well, no shit. What else would he be?"

"He just looks...I don't know...nine? Or maybe ten?"

"...The fuck? No one that young can command those powerful creatures!"

"Sure they can! Have you actually even seen Pokemon?"

"Why the fuck would I?"

"Maybe you'll learn a thing or two,"

"Well, anyways, I still say Ike would get him. He's that insane...and I still say Red's a teenager"

-

In a dorm room, Ike sneezes for what seemed like a fourth time in a row.

Ike has been sneezing like a madman for the past few days (1), making the angel worry if it was his health.

"Are you okay, Ike?" Pit asked with a clearly worried tone.

"Yeah, sure," he sniffed, "why wouldn't I be?"

"You've been sneezing a lot,"

"Don't worry, it's just allergies,"

"To what?"

Ike looked around for a quick second and said the first thing he saw, "Dust,"

It was Pit's turn to look around and sighed. He and Ike were admittedly not the tidiest smashers in the mansion. They're not the messiest people either, but they needed to clean up.

Ike regretted lying, because Pit said, "Let's clean this place up before you'll get really sick,"

"Uhh, we don't have to, really," Ike said, hoping for the best, "I'm feeling better already,"

-

In the infirmary, Link was coming to. Zelda and Peach got up their seats to close in on him, only to have their face screamed at.

"THAT ASSHOLE," Link shouted, causing the princesses to step back, "HE IS SO DEAD,"

-

Ike sneezed twice more.

"No, you're not getting better," Pit said, contradicting what Ike said earlier.

The swordsman surrendered, knowing that he cannot prove to the angel that he's not really sick.

"Fine," Ike sighed, "Let's clean up then,"

-

"All of the smashers except Pit, Samus, Link, and Pokemon Trainer report to the battle stages," Master Hand reported through the intercom.

Whenever everyone, minus a small number of smashers, are reported to the battle stages, that means a Classic battle was booked. You can guess who booked it.

Ike grunted. He had sworn to himself not to leave Pit alone for even the shortest time, but Classic battles take so long, especially if the stage is far in the battle. If Ike's battle in Stage 11, one must feel sorry for Snake (As well as the other two participating smashers), for Ike's impatient-ness will drive him insane. Everyone, pray for said smashers. Especially Snake. In fact, pray Ike's battle isn't so far.

Pit gave a sad smile at Ike. Ike smiled back, only to turn around and cursed to himself and to fate as he gripped hard at the broom in his hands.

Pit noticed the hard grip, "Umm...Ike? The broom's going to break,"

Too late, for the top tip of broom was broken off, making the angel flinch, "Ike, are you okay?"

Ike fake smiled once more as he turned back to Pit, "I'm fine! Dandy!"

"I think you should go now..."

Still very angry, Ike got Ragnell and his cape from the cabinet and waved off to the angel as he left. Once he has closed the door, Ike started walking down the hallway, towards the battlefields.

-

After Pit finished cleaning up the dorm room, he had a sudden appetite. The angel then looked at the clock and remembered that he didn't have lunch. It was an hour passed lunch hour. So he exited out the dorm and towards the cafeteria.

From the looks of it, he wasn't the only one who missed track on lunch. When Pit reached the cafeteria, he saw Samus and the Pokemon Trainer eating in separate tables. Supposedly, when a strong majority of the smashers are gone, it's harder to tell whether or not it's lunch. Usually, one can easily tell when it's lunch time when there's stomping and stomach grumbles in the hallway. But with only three smashers around (Not counting Link because he's still in the infirmary), one must actually look at the time if it's lunch time.

Pit was about to sit by himself, but then thought of sitting with the Pokemon Trainer. Before he made his way, however, Samus called him over.

Samus was, as usual, wearing her Zero Suit. Ever since Master Hand gave her the privilege of wearing that or the Power Suit in Brawl, she's been wearing her Zero Suit only unless certain circumstances during battle. It's probably because it's lighter to walk around in and easier to see.

Pit turned around and saw the person calling him. Samus was giving a signal to come over. Pit looked at both tables, only to turn and sit with Samus.

"It's weird sitting alone in lunch, isn't it?" Samus said as Pit sat down.

"Yeah," Pit agreed, "Shouldn't we bring Red here with us?"

"Eh, I think he's fine," Samus said, "Almost everyone is coming anyways,"

As if on cue, some of the smashers indeed entered the cafeteria. That included Ness and Lucas; the blond insisted to the black-haired psychic to sit with the Pokemon Trainer.

"Told you he'd be fine," said Samus.

Pit shrugged it off. Not everyone was in the cafeteria, so there wasn't so much chaos or talking going on. Samus usually sits with Peach and Zelda while Pit sits with Ike, so it was safe to say both participants of the table was bored.

Right when Ike finished his part in Classic, he grunts and mumbles to himself, still quite angry. Needless to say, he knocked out three of five Snake's stock, which made it difficult for the spy to pass the Classic battle without starting his stock from anew. Whenever that happens, most, if not all, of the earned coins will be gone, making the purpose of the Classic battle pointless.

He exited the battlefields and on his way to the cafeteria.

Samus was already done with her meal, but still waited for the return of Peach and Zelda. Pit was still eating, so Samus thought it was best to keep him company until the angel's roommate returned.

The bounty hunter was bored, though, for neither one of the smashers was able to find a subject to talk about. Because of this, Samus allowed her double personality show and did what she usually does whenever she's in her zero suit. And this was bad timing, too, for the blue-haired swordsman was just about to enter the cafeteria right on time when...

"Has anyone ever told you that you're possibly the most adorable uke in wings ever?" Samus said with a seductive tone and look. That's what I meant with what Samus usually does in her zero suit: Flirting.

All of a sudden, a scent of something burning was in the air. No actually, it wasn't something burning...it was real fire! But it wasn't coming from the kitchen...

The smashers in the cafeteria then glanced at the entrance, where Ike was holding his sword, which is glowing fire; that answered the mystery of the sudden aroma. The flames of Ragnell then died down as Ike walked up to the bounty hunter and the angel.

"Well, I guess I should leave," Samus was just about to leave to another table until Ike stopped her.

"Hey, before you do, I would like to talk to you privately..." Ike said as he was clearly forced to hide his rage, "consider it as a 'seme-to-seme' talk,"

"Uh...okay..." Samus had a strange feeling inside, but ignored it. When Ike was leading her out the cafeteria with his arm around her shoulders, she couldn't help but notice that the grip around her shoulders was somewhat strong...

Pit merely sat with clear confusion on his face as he watched his roommate and the bounty hunter leave the cafeteria. He had absolutely no idea to what just happened. When he got up to leave, Peach and Zelda entered the cafeteria. He went up to them curiously.

"Hey guys, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure," Zelda answered in sincerity, but Peach's face was somewhat cautious...

"Well, two questions, really...Umm, what's an uke and what's a seme?"

"Well, an uke is someone who is the bottom of a rel-" Zelda was cut off as Peach covered her mouth. The pointy-eared princess mumbles as her mouth was covered and struggles, but for some reason, failed.

"Sorry, Pit," Peach said quickly, "We're in a hurry here, so, uhh...Bye!" The princess of the Mushroom Kingdom ran off to the counter, dragging a covered-mouth Zelda with her. That left Pit with more confusion.

Five extra earthquakes occurred shortly after.

--

A/N: HAHA. I tricked you all into thinking Red would be next. Plot twists are fuuuun.

Also: 1) Japanese superstitions, people. Sneezing means someone is talking about you. Sneeze twice, then it means it's not good.


End file.
